Stranger

Have you ever felt like a stranger among people you know? Have you ever felt like you're not part of something that you were once part of? Have you ever felt that empty space getting larger inside even though you have all the fullness around you? Its like being in a crowd and yet feeling lost. Like surrounded by faces which once felt familiar and now their all just faces. Its like how one day the whole world seems different and you feel like a stranger stuck in it, without a purpose of being around. Its a funny thought to be honest. Cuz its exactly how i feel these days. I mean I don't mind it, I enjoy the loneliness, partly why I do things on my own...But it got me thinking, how today things can be different and tomorrow its all something new. Like a new world, like new people even though...these are the same people who've been around for a long time with.

Sometimes, strangers give you more comfort. Its the blatant truth. Talking to a stranger or someone random about all the funny shit in life, and all the random thoughts and all the dirty jokes can make you so happy..that that happiness can last a week. Its funny, how little things make me happy. But sadly, little things aren't what people notice these days. People don't care or notice.Period. That's how life is and that's exactly how it'll be.

I know many people would think, I'm making myself feel this way...or I'm just over thinking. But trust me, I have seen the proof and felt it too. The awkwardness and the difference. Its too large to swallow and forget about. Its like a lump in your throat that you just cant get rid of.

The problem with me is, I expect too much of the human race. I ACTUALLY believe in them and their amazing traits. But who am I lying to but myself, the goodness in humans is dying and all that is left is the self centered and selfish natures of the humans or shall I call animals? Oh wait, animals are more caring, without people saying a word they understand human emotions..so nope won't call them animals..I think Humans is a big enough insult already. Because of my expectations, I've been let down many times. So now, I've stopped expecting and I've stopped trying to make things right..why? the big WHY? Well only because I realized  no one else gives a rats ass why should I bother with trying to fix things. I've not taken the responsibility to always be the fixer, got better things to do and since I stopped expecting people should stop expecting from me too. For a change, someone else should grow the balls and actually try..atleast TRY to be a little mature and a little more caring. But nope, not going to happen...HUMANS are HUMANS, they don't care how others feel. They don't care about anything but having fun. After all life is about having fun and then dying and doing things that only YOU want...now is that really what life is about?

Question yourselves.

When have you felt happy the most? When you do something for someone and it makes them happy? Or when you do things for yourself even though another person isn't happy?

Does it make you happy when people you care about are happy? Or would you rather be happy and don't care if anyone else is sad?

Does it matter to you if something is wrong or right? Or is it just about what is convenient to you at that particular moment?

Question yourselves.

Question your HUMAN NATURE as they call it. Because if you realize, humans are losing their essence and animals are starting to feel more comfortable to be around.

Question yourselves.

I won't say I'm sad because I'm writing this post. Cuz I'm not, I'm just VERY disappointed with humans around me and not to forget awkward. The extent of the distance apart is immeasurable but all I can say is..I feel like a stranger in the crowd, I don't fit in and I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness for a whole bunch of people who I care about but feel like strangers. Why? Not because I'm not happy, please the fact that I would sacrifice something for anyone shows how much those people mean to me and how much I would give to see them happy. But the fact that they don't even appreciate. Oops wait, that's another HUMAN trait. Why am I feeling disappointed again? Stupid girl you are, Chandni...stupid girl.

So I've decided, I rather be a stranger in the crowd then get my trust broken. I rather feel alone and spend time with myself, than actually spend it with people who just don't appreciate it.

I rather be a stranger, than pretend to succumb to every decision made by others.

I rather have a good time with people who I feel comfortable with.

I rather hide the caring, stupid big hearted naive and trusting person that I am deep deep deep inside my heart.

I rather build walls, very high ones which are impossible to break and the only way in is if you actually take the effort to take the tough climb up.

I rather not bother, cuz no one's going to even try to take the tough climb. Cuz Humans are just hopeless and make me feel stupid in having faith in them.

So I rather just be :)