It was a bright day, the sun was scorching hot and I felt sweaty and sticky. Great another bloody hot day here at Barbados. Life wasn't much fun, all I ever did was study to make it out of this hell hole and talk to friends, go play by the beach on some afternoons. Today, my favourite T.V show is on, and so I'm watching it and having a good laugh at the stupid american jokes.
* squeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, SLAM *
He's awake I thought, great just great. He walks out with his belly bouncing in front of him, one eye open, hair all scruffy and says, " Where's the food? "
Yes that's my 20 year old brother, Mamao. He just finished college and is waiting for Uni to start. Him and I were close once. We shared a lot of secrets, we helped each other out and we would do anything for one another. Things changed though, on his side. I guess the problems between our parents got to him, and he got consumed with his own beliefs, his own life and his own way of living. I still loved him no less, he was after all my baby brother. I was 4 when he was born, and I still remember how happy I was on that day. But now, he's grown into a 6foot tall, handsome man (who has put on a little weight since he's been on holiday) who thinks what ever he does is right.
" Its in the kitchen, go get it yourself... I'm watching something on T.V ", I replied with annoyance. He could talk in a better tone.
" You get it, I've got to go brush my teeth. Common make yourself useful. Get your bloody fat ass off the couch and get me food, bitch. ", he replied with anger.
"Alright, you don't have to get rude you know, you could just ask nicely.", I replied. Those were the days when he was nice. Things changed because of what my father did and no one can ever be the same. Everyone is consumed by the anger, and in Mamao's case, his anger was his worst asset, it was what turned him from a man to a beast. He couldn't control it i presume, or maybe he didn't want to.
I put the food on the table and went back to watch my T.V show. I heard him get out of the bathroom, he even took a quick shower and like a king sat on the table.
"What is this?", he asked me while holding the food in the bowl.
"Its what mom cooked today before she left for work, you wanted food I heated it up for you."
" Well its cold, you didn't do a good job with heating it up.",he said while gritting his teeth.
"Well you said you were brushing your teeth, but you also took a shower and it probably got cold,"
"I'll do what I want and when I want to do it, whats your problem?", he shouted.
" Alright, you do what you want, why are you screaming at me for. Just take the food and re-heat it if you think its cold. You're making a big deal out of it.", I said calmly, though i was getting so annoyed at him.
" You didn't just talk to me like that, did you? " He screamed.
And he came towards me, slapped me and spat on my face. I was so stunned so i pushed him away and he spat back on me again. His eyes were blood red, as if he was possessed and his face was quivering with anger. I got annoyed so I spat back. I wasn't going to just shut up and take the insult.
He then cursed at me, he punched my stomach and held my arms so tightly and twisted them. I tried my best to fight back, but with no avail he held on tight. I was in pain and all i could do was scream. But it was as if he never heard my screams. Warms tears started to fall down m cheeks, and they stung my face.I was crying in pain. He punched my thigh, and kicked me and hit me where ever he could. I ran into my mom's room to get the phone, and he ran behind me. He broke the bowl which had the food in it. I hit him back, I slapped him. But he felt no pain. Was I that weak? I thought to myself. He hit me back not only harder, but with 50times the strength. It hurt. I was sore all over. I went for the phone and he threw it on the floor. I was crying loudly, and gasping for air. I even tried kicking him but he grabbed my leg. For the first time in my life, I wished I was a man, or i wish i had the physical strength of one. He was doing this for no reason at all. Over such a small matter, like food. Every hit he gave me, he didn't just give me pain physically but also hit my heart. I realised how fragile the human body is, and how much pain I felt after being hit like this. I hoped and prayed that I didn't break anything. Just because I was smaller than him in size and weaker in strength he was doing this?
Was this the same brother I held as a child? The same brother I used to help in homework? The same brother who used to hold my hand and walk around town? No he wasn't. This man who stood in front of me was a monster, a beast. My brother had died long ago.
I saw a broken piece of the bowl, and took it,
"IF YOU DON'T STOP I'LL KILL YOU" I yelled as I cried and gasped for air.
" Haha, Kill me? Come and try, I'll make sure your blood is on my hands before u even get near me." he said with those blood shot eyes, and that anger in him. The anger made him look so ugly. It clouded his eyes, and his mind. He looked like someone else, he had become someone else. I could see the veins on his neck popping out cuz of anger, and the side of his lips twitched. He was gritting his teeth and and his whole face quivered with rage.
I went close to him and I hit him with the broken bowl piece, it wasn't sharp and i couldn't hit him hard with it. Why? Why? Why? Cuz he was my brother, and no matter what I still loved him.
He punched my arm again and twisted it and I fell to the ground. I felt a metallic taste in my mouth, blood. It was warm and it trickled down my mouth onto the floor. I was strength-less, hopeless and I gave up fighting.
Was I going to die?
*Back in the back
Of a Cadillac
Number one with a bullet, I'm a power pack
Yes, I'm in a bang
With a gang
They've got to catch me if they want me to hang
Cause I'm back on the track
And I'm leadin' the pack
Nobody's gonna get me on another rap
So look at me now
I'm just makin' my play
Don't try to push your luck, just get out of my way *
My eyes jolted open, what was that music? And then it hit me. Its AC/DC, back in black. I recalled a nightmare I had, being beaten up by my brother. As i slowly got up, I felt a jolt of pain all over my body, and i saw a small puddle of blood on the floor where my mouth was. I had bruises on my arms, my legs and my stomach. Every inch of my body felt so weak and painful, but thankfully I was alive.
I wish it were a nightmare or a bad dream, but sadly it was reality...the reality that I live in.
written by Chandni, 26/07/2011.
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