After my last post, i swore to myself I wldn't blog anymore til I got something happy to post about. I realised I didn't want to spread negativity to people who read it. I also didn't want people to mock my blog or think that I write things cuz i want pity or empathy. I write what I write cuz its my only way out of the troubles i have, and its my blog, i'll write watever i want to write. its my escape.
Sadly, i have to break the oath of not writing something sad jus this once. Its the last time I'm going to write such a thing *crosses fingers*
How do I feel right now?
beaten, bruised and broken. period.
I never expected such a thing could ever happen to me, especially from someone who has the same blood i have running in their veins.
I've got so much to express, but i just cant find the words to express it.I really can't. Cuz if i did, the whole world would know...and I love this person too much to let the world look down on him.
I know that he's a good person at heart and I love him ever since he was born. But his anger has taken total control over him. At times I feel so pissed off to see him like that and at other times I feel so sad for him cuz he's going through so much.
Then again, we all are.
For the past 5 years, I've been mentally and emotionally abused and I've never really told anyone about how it REALLY feels. Why? well simply because words just can't explain the feeling. I usually just suck it up, think about it like mad and keep that smile pasted. The thing about people like me is, I love making other people happy cuz it makes me happy...but when other people are sad,it makes me sad. Its actually pretty weird. I care too much.
For the first time, apart from mental and emotional abuse...I've been put through REAL physical abuse. And I just have nothing to say. I feel numb, literally and emotionally.
Bruised, beaten and broken...yes these are the words I'm going to use to describe how I feel. Its too hard for the words to come out they are like sharp knives i have to vomit out of my mouth...which means I'll have to bleed in order for them to come out. And i don't wana bleed.
I've decided I'm going to stay alone, live alone and die alone. I am gonna be numb and i don't care what anyone thinks.
I'm standing up for myself, cuz its about time i show some motherfuckers what i'm made of.
If you can do that, so can i...you're forgetting that We've got the same blood.
Anger is powerful, It can turn a man into a beast...
But so is Love, it can turn beasts into little pussy cats.
I'm not who i used to be, I'm stronger, harder and ready for everything.
My body aches, the bruises look ugly...but what hurts the most is my heart. But its alright.
Cuz I'm a fighter, and I'll show you by winning.
No comments:
Post a Comment