Its been a while since I've blogged to be honest. Been to busy and I had diverted my mind to music for a bit to release stress. I've also started netball training as we have a competition against UM and a few other local Universities and i hope we atleast make it til the semi-finals. We only had 3 days of training as we had our Mid-block last week and couldn't train then, so these 5 days is all we had to train properly.
Since i havent been feeling too well, I had a 4 hour nap just now. I was so tired and weak that it felt as if i had passed out for a century and i just woke up or something. But the weirdest bit was the dream I had, to call it gruesome or to call it sweet I just don't know.
Well it started off with me walking down a corridor of a typical American high school, wearing one of those weird short green skirts with checkers and a white T-shirt.(no the skirt wasnt ass short just 5 cm above the knees kinda thing). I had just recently broken up with my boyfriend and things were very different.
My family life wasn't too good either and it was taking its toll on me. Gruesome fights at home, a lot of misery and sorrow, but yet i had to come to school everyday to fulfill my dream.
Today was a new day, and I had slept late last night cuz i was doing some chores at home. I was exhausted and here I was at my locker taking my books. He then walks by and smiles. I turned away cuz i just couldn't be bothered to fake a smile.Life was already hard why make it harder?
I suddenly started to feel this sick feeling inside of me, I felt kind of nauseous and dizzy. My whole world was spinning and my feet felt heavy. I managed to take a few steps towards the bathroom as it was nearby. I shoved a cubicle door open with the weight of my body and shut the door. I was kneeling on the floor trying to puke. I felt as if I was going to puke out every organ inside, til I was empty on the inside like a hollow tube.
The toilet bowl was filled with blood.OMG what was happening to me? Was I going to die in this bloody toilet? I hadn't seen the beauty of life at all, and I'm still a virgin. How could I die, without having a family or a job that i crave for? This just can't be happening...
But this was happening.With one last push, Something heavy and big came up my throat...it hurt so much.Scraped the whole inside of my oesophagus and i could feel the insides rubbing against it.What was I puking out now? Then as it came into my mouth and I pulled it out. It was hard, covered in blood and was attached to a tube. As i fixed my eyes upon it, it was MY HEART! :O
WHAT WAS MY HEART DOING OUR OF MY MOUTH AND IN MY HANDS? It wasn't even real? It was made of plastic but it was beating weirdly. I couldn't make sense of this and as I stared at it blatantly, the lights got dimmer and soon it was dark.
I soon woke up, and I was in the hospital. My parents and siblings were all there. I was stable and I had woken up after a week of being unconscious. WOW i thought to myself,It didn't feel that long! I then found out that I had a fake heart transplant(god knows which time I was in that technology was so advanced) as a child. Since I was going through stress, my heart had moved and when I was puking it Somehow came out of my mouth. ( as a medical student, this does NOT make sense to me at all, haha)
So now they had fixed everything with an even better technology and I was ready to go. I just had to be careful with what I do. To me I felt that this was a sign saying I had to live alone. I didn't want to be a burden to anyone because of my disability and hence I had to be ready for a solitary life. After all having heart problems isn't a small matter.
I was back at school, and things were normal as always.Except I was sitting down on the bench cuz I felt a little out of breath. He walks by again, smiling. I somehow manage a smile and he ends up walking towards me and sits next to me on the bench. Oh god, I didn't know what to say if he asked me something. The bell rang, and he said:
" Can we just wait a bit til everyone has left I wanna talk to you about something..." he whispered. I nodded and agreed.
After a while,when the crowd was gone and we were the only two people sitting on the bench at the corridor He finally started to talk.
"I heard what happened to you, how are you feeling.I was really worried..." he said, staring right into my eyes.
"Well I'm alive and thats all I can be happy about, the rest i have to take one step at a time,innit?" I replied with a smile.
"Well do you mind,If I'm with you at every step that you take.I'll be holding your hand and I'll be your strength..." He said with a serious face.
I stayed silent and honestly i didn't know what to say.I sighed.
"No wait, I've got a poem for you...listen"he said.
And then he started.Since it was a dream I can't remember exactly what it was. But it was like something about if he was a sweeper, on the streets of new york..where he hadn't even eaten a hot dog..he would work just to keep me happy..bla bla bla. I can't remember...but it was lyk a mixture of jay-z and Shakespeare. weird!!
The message i got was, that he wanted to marry me no matter what. Even if i had a heart problem and I died tomorrow he'd be happy he got to spend one who day being with me...me being his while he was mine.
The last thing i remember was smiling, while tears rolled down my eyes as he looked me in the eye and smiled.
Then i woke up! haha.
Interesting dream innit? I don't know if this is the effect of the cardiovascular system that we have been studyin, or the effect of something else.
Beats me.All i know is I was really touched by the dream, but this kind of thing doesnt happen in the world today. I mean i would still marry the person i love regardless of his health issues..but not everyone does that in this time. Eternal, true love has become a myth innit. Further more I doubt that person would ever do that haha.
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