Today, went out to this Thai place in Old klang road which was amazing..with Hustler, Yazzy and Tarma. The food was pretty yummy and for the palce which had air-con and cleanliness it was cheap.
Then after the whole chatting and laughter, we went to sheesha at this place called ABC. For the first time ever I'm this high after sheesha. Omg, everything feels so chilled, and when I walk I feel like I'm kinda bouncing a little. God knows what shit they put in the sheesha.
The iranian owner has the nicest light eyes, and he weirdly comes to chance the charcoal. He even did that the last time and according to hustler her NEVER usually does that. Now they tease me with him. haha.
I'm feeling a little philosophical I must say. I've learnt that laughter is the best medicine. Its nice to go out with a bunch of people and just laugh like there's no tomorrow, make stupid jokes. Laughter is a cure to the deepest pain. I love the fact that when you laugh you don't have a million thoughts at the same time BUT only ONE thought which you find funny. The world is truly amazing, the power of happiness is so big that it burst through people and shows in their body language, their aura and the energy they give out.
I've been over thinking a lot lately. All that buzzing of voices in my head is starting to hurt. Memories, current issues, med...its like a large plate of rojak moving in my brain non-stop. I think so much thaI don't know wherher to refer to the dreams as sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? Cuz when I'm in the dream it feels kinda good, but when I wake up and reality hits me..haha...a WHOLE DIFFERENT STORY.
i think i'm talking nonsense right now, aren't i? The sheesha has messed with my head, forgive me oh so wonderful readers. Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually reads this crap...or if it even makes sense? Does anyone understand me?
Cuz if you do understand why this happens to me or why my thoughts are so deep, do let me know how i can stop them. Cuz i'm starting to feel old, I'm starting to live a routine life of happiness with myself..yet I feel like there's something missing.
I had it all once..I had a family. Now its pretty different. I mean yeah, ignoring and being independent is one thing...but wanting a father is another. I mean I've been dealing with everything all by myself. Its made me who I am...but sometimes I think how things would have been different if I had a father who was there and a father who took care of us..Not a man who thinks providing for his kids is love and thats all he needs to do.
After putting us thru hell, changing the two lil angels into monsters...and making a beautiful angel fall and break her wings...my father doesn't really care. He lives for himself...only himself.
I wish i could do things with my dad, the way people do things with their dad. I wish I could go with my dad to places where he used to go to as a kid, go fishing, get some knowledge about his experiences as a doctor...anything...anything that would make me feel that I have a dad.
There used to be a time, where When i was a little girl..I was a daddy's girl. He use to tell me stories about college, how he met mom, the naughty deeds..play the guitar and sing while I danced. celebrated birthday parties, took me out for breakfast. I just miss the connection I guess...cuz now those times feel so far away as if they never happened. I want to keep those memories so atleast I know I had a childhood where things were once how I wanted them to be. He used to sing this song, Lady D'arbonville and I absolutely love that song..its by cat stevens. Everytime I listen to it, it reminds me of my childhood days. Good times. But things change and people change like the seasons...
Now I am my own mom, I am my own dad, I am my own everything. Its so tiring already and then I have to father and mother others. I get exhausted, eventhough I've pulled myself together and I'm tougher than a brick wall..but I do get tired.
I just wish I had somewhere to lean on, something solid.
But its alright, I'm happy for what I've gotten and I know its best for me. May be not having a father figure made me who I am today. I'm a fighter..or atleast I hope I am.
Alright, enough ranting for today...I'm getting sleepy.
Goonight world..lots of love from,
Daddy's little girl.
this is the song he used to sing :) enjoy.
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