I've got a loads on my head and i jus wanna put it out the best way i can. To those who think my blog is a cry for help, Please close the page now...because its not.its about how i feel and what i believe in. Blogging is like a therapy to me.
Lately i just feel i m being tested alot, maybe because i am free and have nothing to do. But whatever it is...I feel tested alright. Thank you God.haha
Its amazing how God sends People to try to help you, cuz he sees good in them. Also God probably thinks that they would understand, cuz they hav or have had similar problems. What God doesnt realize is that cuz he has given us humans brains, we change.
mayb at first the person is helping out...sooner or later they become selfish and only do what they think is right for themselves. And people like me are left trying to help others even though I know that person might jus never listen.
lets give a situation:
Macy is the person in trouble. Sumhow rather she discovers a person A. Obviously person A and her had connections for a specific reason( God doing his wonders) haha. Person A seems to be just the dose of medication macy needs. Sadly after a while, person A rather do what keeps him or her happy and not really care about what macy and person A had. Yes they had similar backgrounds, yes they undderstood each other, Yes they could get along well. BUT... Macy had a goal, while person A didnt, Macy had dicipline and values and sumhow Person A didnt show that(mayb person A did hav them but rather conform to the world around). So that jus ruined it all. Its like medication that has expired, your too afraid to take it.
Then a while later, randomly she bumps into a person who seems so funny and generally a nice person. Person B, is more than wat he/she seems. HaHa as Macy analyzes she realises Person B is pretty interesting to talk to, and might have similar issues to hers. OH NO NOT AGAIN!!! God i think tried the second time to help. At the moment macy really isnt up for anything but doesnt know what the future has for her. Yes person be is smart, funny, has alot of knowledge and seems sensitive...but its too fast to say much. Like i said macy would just be happy going with the flow :) after all everything in life happens for a good reason right?
The question that makes us all ponder: Did God send Person B to test macy and see if she makes the same mistake again, or Did God send her person B to show her that there is still hope in this world and people who still understand?
That i have no answer to, macy doesnt either i presume? Do you?
In the end, life is all just a test innit? Only going with the flow would tell. Sometimes, somethings leave you scarred. But at the same time these scars remind you that you survived and have you yourself made it big, or accomplished what you wanted to. The happiness should feel as sweet, as sweet as nectar from a flower :)
NOw back to me and away from macy's situation, I honestly feel 90% of the time,very few people understand me as a person on the whole.Maybe its because i don't give them a chance. I admit i have barriers...but trust me there is a reason for that. Or maybe understanding me is like trying to understand a man who speaks German while your trying to talk in English. You know what i mean? Its like you know the person is asking something, but you don't know exactly what the person wants. haha
Yes i have to admit loneliness is somehow always stuck with me these days. I think its cuz i have nothing to study yet as its holidays. i aint complaining as the next 5 years of med will make me cherish every second of fun i have. I think frankly speaking I crave for love, I aint going to say true love cuz that can only be determined when ur married and old and u;ve lived ur life..then u;ll know if it was true or not. I crave for genuine love, not the stupid bullshit u see in movies cuz we all know that doesnt happen. Everyone has ups and downs in their lives. I want something that goes deeper than the skin and last longer than a breath of fresh air.
Sadly in this world, at this time...What i want is hard to find. So i gave up looking ages ago. NOw if it comes it comes, if it doesnt it doesnt. Sometimes i am afraid to be a burden on another person to me honest, I have alot of issues and sorrows which are hard to handle even for me so i cant even imagine sharing it with another person and making their life harder. For me when a person shares their sorrows and hardship, i feel closer and i don't feel burdened. But all people are different. And another reason maybe that i have felt that i have been a burden before. Boy, do i have issues? heck dont we all?
For all the people who have a little heart, or a soul...you'll understand what i mean.
I hope my words touched ur heart, kissed your soul and left a print on your mind! :)
PS: I love God for everything he has done for me :) andd thanx again for the challenge God hopefully i will do the right thing ???
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